Category: Dating and Relationships
OK, to start off I'm 18 and I'm graduating from high school on Tuesday. I've been at a school for the blind for the past 3 years. Before that I went to a public school. I have a boyfriend who I've been with for just over a year and that's not about to change. But I don't believe in forever...Meaning, I want to invest in the future, but if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. So anyways, after being in a blind school, I kind of forget how to put myself out there with sighted people. It also probably didn't help that even when I was in public school I was constantly made fun of and slapped around, while all the teachers looked on in uncomfortable silence because, as one of them told me just before I left that school, "You're too much of a liability for us." So...does anyone find it intimidating to approach sighted people? How do you get over something like that? I guess this doesn't even have to do with dating, I guess it turned into a general question, sorry. I would really appreciate some input, though, and in your opinion, are sighted people turned off by blind people? Does it make them feel awkward? Would a sighted person be pissed off if they had to drive you places all the time? I know I sound petty and immature, so again, I'm sorry, but I hope to get some feedback on this subject.
I've spent most of my life around sighted people, despite going to a school for the blind for nine years, so I'm not sure I can really offer any input as far as approaching them is concerned. It's never bothered me much, depending on why I'm approaching them, at least no more than it bothers me to approach blind people. But I just want to say that I think often times it's more a question of the blind person's feelings of being uncomfortable or awkward or whatever, not the sighted person's. Not all cases are the same, but from what I've personally experienced, blind people tend to make the vision issue much more pronounced than it actually is. Just be yourself, act normally around sighted people and don't just assume they're going to be uncomfortable around you, and chances are they won't be. You're always going to have the people who have never dealt with blind people before and so don't know exactly what to expect or how to act, but you can usually get past that by showing them that you're no different than they are and you don't need lots of extra help getting around or doing things. And if they're your friends or your partner, I certainly hope they wouldn't get pissed off having to drive you places. As long as you don't use them as a chauffeuring system. And there are other forms of transportation, if it really does become an issue. Good luck, and just try not to stress over the simple things.
To the last poster, very well said. I never went to a blind school and have spent my life around sighted people. Honestly, I wouldn't have done it any other way. So much of how people treat you is in your attitude. So, if you seem tense and uncomfortable, chances are, sighted people will too. Just introduce yourself and try to make some small talk. If possible, try to meet people in a group. So, at college, try to go out in a group if possible. Then everyone's meeting new people together. Also, a little humor doesn't hurt, and don't be afraid to tell a sighted person they're making you uncomfortable, if the situation calls for it. If a guy wants to take you home and you don't feel right about the situation, then by all means say know. I really only have two friends who are blind, and one lives out of state. All my friends are sighted. When you meet one person, chances are, you'll get introduced to other people. If people want to ask you blind-related questions, don't hesitate to answer them politely then just change the conversation. The more confident you appear, the more you'll make people feel at ease. You don't have to be a total extrovert, but try to work in a little conversation. If you get the old "you're so special" line from guys, either blow it off, or tell them that that's nice, but you really don't need to hear that. Being in the sighted world is kind of like other things in life. It takes practice. Just don't be too uptight about your blindness, the sooner you educate others about your blindness, the sooner you can move on to ther more-important topics. Please feel free to write me and I'd be happy to chat via email about practically anything. I know college can be intimidating, but just hang in there, you'll probably do fine.
Also, don't hesitate to ask for assistance when you need it. For instance, whenever I'm at the bar I always go to the restroom with other girls. This might sound obvious, but I'm sure there are blind people who wouldn't ask. Also, try to have at least one good sighted friend who can give you clothing and makeup tips if you feel like you need them. Just tonight a friend leaned over and told me that I had something on the corner of my mouth. I wasn't embarrassed and I apreciated that she told me that. I liked meeting people in college classes, cause that's a good icebreaker and it gives you a common bond. Also study groups are fun. If you have a particular person who is especially helpful for you, why nlot take them to lunch or do something nice to show your apreciation. I am very lucky to have two very close girlfriends, and quite a few other good friends as well.
I agree with every word BLW has said here. I don't have the blind school experience, but I've been around sighted people all my life and I never regretted it for a second.
I can say having experience some of what you are going to do, you just have to get confidence, and believe in yourself. Be as independent as possible, but again if you need help ask. I was scared as hell when I went away to college, but you just have to try. People will like you for yourself just be yourself. Good luck!!
Hello there I know what you are going though because I went to a blind school for five years and now I am in a state college with adults that have vision. and be youself people will like you that what happen to me. If they is like a coffee place in your lib. get to the people who work there that How I got to know some people and speak up for yourself. I in some of my classes at college I liked to get in before class start to get good sit but I also jump in on some of the topics that the oters talked about. and. And if you start up by asking there name that helps. And another tip is this pick a table there you eating lunch and start up talking to people. I know that it is hard but there are people who will like you and there are people who don't. if you want to talk some more send me a message ok.
Thanks, everybody, that really helps. I was never raised to be one of those people who feels sorry for themselves because they're blind. My mom taught me to be independent and act like other people. It's just that sometimes it's hard to get past certain things that have happened to me in the past, and sometimes I think I should have stuck it out in public school, even with all the bullying and other shit I went through, because I thik being in a blind school makes you forget what it's like to talk to sightedpeople.
Hi, like I mentioned before, I didn't go to a blind school, but I can empathize with what you're going through. Sorry tos ay it, but blind schools to me, seem like little bubbles where everyone is pretty similar in a lot of ways. I hate to say it, but as you already know, the world is not blind, it is sighted. I don't know what happened to you in public school, but you may feel better to know that college is not like high school. Most people are done with the popularity contests, and you'll be surprised at the variety of people you'll meet. I can understand why you had wanted to stick it out in public school. High school is where I really learned to find my identity. Also, don't put too much pressure on yourself to make tons of friends right away. Just relax, and let things take their course. Here are a few tips that might come in handy for college.
1. If possible, have a sighted person show you where your classrooms are located before the semester starts. This will definitely cut down on the nervous factor. If possible, enter the classroom and check out the setup. I always did this, and I never went into the wrong classroom.
2. Give yourself plenty of time before hand to get to class. Especially during the first week or so, so you can get your bearings. it's always better to be early than late. If you're not sure if the class is still in session, wait by the door until you hear most of the people leave the room.
3. Be very upfront with professors. If possible, try to email or call them and notify them you'll be in their class. This will make them feel better and you'll look independent and motived.
4. I'm not sure if you're going to be living at home or not, but whatever you do, you need to make sure you're dealing with professors yourself. You are of age, where your educational matters are your business and not your parents. If they are overprotective, just tell them you're an adult and will deal with things yourself. Nothing looks more elpless than mom or dad calling a professor on their child's behalf. When you get out into the working world, you're gonna have to know how to deal with people yourself.
5. Make any materials such as textbooks and syllabuses are in alternate format before class. This'll make your life easier and you won't be playing catchup.
Sorry guys, these tips should be in the cram session board, but I just thought of them. Again, write me with any other questions/concerns.
Well I am not really that intimited by sighted people. I mean i have been going to public school all my life, so I can deal with it. However I do get intimited sometimes by toehr things
I've went to public school all my life too. But I went to a writing thing over last summer, where I was the only blind person, among sighties. I'd never had until then, to be that closely in contact with sighties.
I met my roomate, and we just made small talk. Yes, I was nervous and a little tense, but you just have to shove that out of the way and say to yourself, "I'm not going to look awkward."
She and I didn't really get along, but another girl, who became my best friend sat down by me at dinner and goes, "Can I interrigate you about your blindness?" I laughed my ass off then launched into a convo about it.
Like everyone else has said, you just have to suck it up, and strut your stuff I guess. No matter how afraid you feel. I'm starting college in the fall, and you bet I'm scared to death of getting lost or looking blindyish, ut I'm not going to let anyone there know that.
So, that's my 2 cents worth.
well said cala! Yeah, also starting college in the fall, and hell, I'm scared as fuck, but so is every other freshmen out there! I have never gone to a blind school. Like most of the posters here, it takes practice! Be yourself, don't try and be who you're not! Be confident, yet don't be too cockey! Everything will fall into place, and if you let yourself, you'll do fine! How people view you is the way you view and present yourself! If you act nervous and awkward, of course other people, not just the sighted world, will also act that way! Anyway, all of this has pretty much been said, so yeah...good luck!
no it's not intimidating to me to walk up to a sighted person, there all the same to me just people. I think partly the reason why is my parents didn't shelter me in any way, I never even hurd of blind schools or Junior blind alimpics until i was in highschool,by then I was on the boys school wrestling team. I think it's all in how u cary yourself u can be blind and a sighted person can find u desirable, it's all in how u cary yourself. When I was in school I only knew a couple of blind students myself but that was it, sure I made sighted people feel awkward arround me simply because of the fact that they knew I was blind, I don't let that get to me.my parents taught me not to take shit from anyone, yah I was bollied sometimes in school, but had to stand up for myself, noone else was so I had to. I find it intimidating to talk to other blind individuals like myself, yah that's one hell of a twist i know. it all starts with confidence in belief in yourself, so start meeting people of all types my friend. the hard part is getting started then the rest will come easier.
I think I agree with letting your college professors know ahead of time that you're blind because there will have to be some special arrangements made, which you may or may not coordinate with your college's Disabled Student Services office, depending on the competence of their workers and whether or not you choose to use them. I don't, however, think you should let your roommate know ahead of time, because they won't have to make any special arrangements for you (and it's always fun to gauge their reaction. Hahaha!).
I grew up around a relatively equal number of blind and sighted people. I was in public school until my junior year of high school, but there were almost always other blind people in public school with me, and I went to several camps for the blind in the summer. Then there're all my blind, and sighted, friends from phone systems and the Internet. I was not taught a lot of independent living skills growing up, and I was bullied a bit in public school, but I also was picked on a bit at the school for the blind. But along with no longer caring about the opinions of those who judge me, I've also learned something else: If you want to be independent and not intimidated by the sighted world, you've got to find a way to make it happen and practice it constantly. As far as being intimidated by socializing with sighted people, it's like many others have said: You just have to be comfortable and confident, and many sighted people will follow your lead. Some won't, but ya know what? It's their loss.
And yeah, I love answering questions about blindness. I like to satisfy people's curiosity and educate them at the same time, but most of all, I like listening to the questions people come up with! I mean, people have asked me questions that I'd've never thought of but are really interesting!
But yeah, in the end, we're all people. So what we're blind? Who gives a damn? Hahaha.
Just talk to them like you would any other other person, and no, I think they are fine with blind people. If they are excepting they wouldn't mind driving you around, or excepting you.